99 Words...

Do NOT drink or eat while watching this! You have been warned.

Fake!

Remember when, about age 10, we used to offer something to a friend just to yank it bank and yell "Fake!"

Apparently, FEMA has not reached puberty yet.

'Nuff said.

One Down, Two to Go

Curlie Cue is done. Only two more baby blankets to go.

Pattern: Basic Dishrag on the Bias-when I started to decrease I used intarsia to make the two smaller triangles. Then, I made a bunch of i-cord for the curlie cues.

Yarn: Stash yarn that I got for a dollar a pound from a local charity sale. Feels like Baby Teri by Red Heart.

Needles: 16" Size 7 Crystal Palace bamboo circular

What do you do when you have three different colorways and three different lengths of i-cord to make? Knit the three colorways of the same length all at once, of course. Let me tell you that knitting i-cord is a zen experience. Knit 3, push to the other end, knit 3, push.


Even more zen, is miles of garter stitch. knit 5, yarn over, knit to end, knit 5, yarn over knit to end. Continue until you run out of pink yarn. Using purpley pink variagated, knit 4, knit 2 together, yarn over, knit to center. Using white variagated, knit to end. Knit 4, knit 2 together, yarn over, knit 2 together, knit to center, switch back to purpley pink, knit to end. Repeat until there are two stitches left, always switching yarns at the center.


Knit.
Yarn over.
Knit 2 together.
Crossing yarns.
I-Cord.
Simple.


The end product was not what I suspected. I was knitting this to order for a girl at my girlfriend's work. I *hated* this until it was finished. Then, well, see for yourself.


Now, I think it is kinda cute. The color side had pink i-cord, but it made this way too busy.

Can You Find the Man?

Knitted

Baby blanket. Must. Get. Knitted.

Must. Get. Done.

Bloggy Hiatus - The Why

In case anybody that still reads this is going to hold me up to my previous post, I'm going to get this outta the way.

In my pre-blog history, I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression with suicidal tendencies, and panic attacks. Therapy didn't help. It made me feel even more like a victim.

During my six months of therapy, the therapist told me that talking about my flashbacks was "working through" my problems. But, the more I "worked through" my problems, the more flashbacks I had. At 16, coping is hard anyway. Add in flashbacks and it is a recipe for disaster.

Look at how much kids change in a year. To an adult a year doesn't seem like much, sometimes even ten years doesn't seem like much of a difference. But, to a sixteen year old, ten years is two-thirds of their lives. My earliest memories are of abuse. So, I spent the six months that I was in therapy reliving the worst experiences of my life. Sometimes, I'd have a flashback from when I was 3 or 4. An hour later, I'd have a flashback from when I was about ten.

I couldn't go to school. Foster homes that were non-abusive couldn't handle my diseases. I still ran away from homes that were abusive. I was consistently getting put in worse homes because the good ones wouldn't take me. At one point I was getting put on a three day hold for attempting suicide about once a week, sometimes two.

Eventually, I figured out that the less I talked about things, the fewer flashbacks I had. So, I stopped blathering on and on about what happened, emotions, reactions, etc. I started to only have a flashback when I saw certain people or things. I went from having two or more a day to having maybe one a month. Suicide seemed less necessary. I moved. I stabilized.

By the time I was 18, I took myself off my antidepressant meds. I wrote stories when I used to try to kill myself. (That started my love with writing) I was excelling at school. I had found a foster home that I thought actually gave a shit (that one's a whole other story). I got a scholarship for college and a steady job. Things were going really well.

Then, my life went to hell about August of last year. I felt out of control. Hell, I was out of control of my life. The details of what happened aren't necessary, but my girlfriend, our kids, and I all found out how true Murphy's Law is. Everytime something good happened, two or more bad things happened.

All that stress led to my flashbacks returning. I started having panic attacks a lot. I contemplated suicide. I almost checked myself into a psych ward. The more my mental health went down the tube, the harder it was to care if the rest of my life kept going to hell. I didn't care about anything. I was a horrible mother and girlfriend. I didn't care who I hurt in my self-destruction.

One day, I started talking to Stacie. I mean really talking to her. I didn't hold back. She still doesn't know everything but I feel comfortable talking about what happens in my head now. She knows that sometimes all I need is just to be comforted.

I still don't think that therapy is the right choice for me. Meds aren't either. But, I finally figured out that ignoring the problem doesn't help. Whether it's a therapist and meds, or just the person you love, you have to have an outlet. One that talks back instead of making it easier to believe it happened to someone else.

PBW's Tag

PBW did a meme! I thought I would use this excuse to come out of the funk that I have been in. Without further ado...

The Meme PBW Tagged Everyone With

Da Rulez:

Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) when I was in my middle teens. Shortly after, I stopped therapy, stopped taking my antidepressant meds, and came out of the closet. A decade or so later, I realized only one of my responses to the diagnosis was a good thing. I've got another post in draft about the long-term hazards of not letting the pros do their job.
2. I'm quite domestic. I love to bake, knit, crochet, sew, and so on. Did I mention that I love to knit?
   
3. If you ever come to my house and see me cleaning cabinets or doing other "deep" cleaning, run. I clean when I am beyond mad.
4. I recently got my first dykemobile, a Jeep Cherokee Laredo. I wanted this, the Lara Croft Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. My girlfriend wants it, too. I see a second car in our future.
   
5. I love writing, but I am not very good at it. Yet. Plot threads are my downfall.
6. My favorite quote-

   "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, shouting GERONIMOoooo!!!!!" - Author Unknown

7. I love useless information and trivia. Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series is one of my favorite books series along that line.
8. Going to garage sales is fun. You might have to see a lot of junk, but sometimes you find a treasure.

In the spirit of laziness and because I was late, I'm not tagging anyone. Tag yourself if you wanna, but I'm not gonna. ;)

1979

In 1979 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter is president of the US A major accident occurs at a nuclear reactor on Three Mile Island near Middletown, PA An American Airlines DC-10 loses its engine and crashes seconds after takeoff, killing 275 people Hurricane David kills over 1200 in the US and the Dominican Republic Some 90 people, including 63 Americans, are taken hostage at the American Embassy in Tehran, Iran The Soviet Union invades Afghanistan ESPN starts broadcasting Aaliyah, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Norah Jones, Heath Ledger, and Kate Hudson are born Pittsburgh Pirates win the World Series Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIII Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup Kramer vs. Kramer is the top grossing film Sophie's Choice by William Styron is published "My Sharona" by The Knack spends the most time at the top of the US charts The Facts of Life premiers

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

Celebrity Look-alikes

Ennui and Angst

As the few who read this could probably tell, I've been a bit silent lately.

Ennui and angst. They are my constant companions these days. Along with failure. I don't write. Or knit. Or...anything. But I work.

I've tried poetry. That used to help.

i'm tired

of the fight
for what's right
to see light

Words on a page. No relief. All I can do is go to work.

We're living with my sister-in-law. I failed at supporting my family. I should have worked more.

We're grieving, still, over the loss of my girlfriend's best friend and a good friend to me, too. I failed to see the signs. I should have looked closer.

The friend that was going to help when our life started crashing down around us, turned on us. I failed to remember that connections with people only hurt. I should have remembered the lessons I learned in foster care.

No matter what or how hard we try, nothing seems to be helping get us up on our feet.

I don't know if I will keep this here or not. I don't think I need to be spreading this around.

GTO vs. Moped

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the
market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most
expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old,
pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the
sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got
there sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It costs half a
million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does
it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!"
states the young dude proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes
his head in the window and looks around.

Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick
with my Moped!! "

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to
show the old man just what his car can do. He floors
it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160
mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It
seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what
it could be and suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something
whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?"
the young man asks himself.

He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to
250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the
old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives
it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror
and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the
gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320
mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down
on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's
nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops
and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still
alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh
My God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers...

"Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-view......mirror''.

A Peek Into My Brain

My brain color is green:

At work or in school: I work best by myself. I like to focus on my ideas until my desire for understanding is satisfied. I am easily bored if the subject holds no interest to me. Sometimes, it is hard for me to set priorities because so many things are of interest.
With friends: I may seem reserved. Although my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity.
With family: I am probably seen as a loner because I like a lot of private time to think. Sometimes, I find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules that don't make sense to me. I show love by spending time with my family and sharing ideas and interests.
Take this quiz!








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Halloween Fun

Just because Halloween is for kids and I am a huge kid. ;)

Kaboose Halloween Guide

Ben & Jerry's Halloween games

Hershey's Halloween

Halloween.com

Halloweentreats.com

Halloween Recipes

Responsibility

When does the line of parent's responsibility to monitor their children end and the media's begin?

The Child Online Protection Act was created to force commercial websites to have a credit card or other adult verification screen before allowing minors into site that may have questionable content.

Read up on the act. But, anything with such broad language that damaging material is defined by "contemporary community standards" leaves far too many loopholes.

Parents should be taking an interest in their children's internet adventures. Webmasters should not have to prevent your child from reading a lesbian erotica short story. Monitoring children is not a parent's right but their duty.

Yes, this is a sticky area. Pornography sites aren't disputing this act because they require a credit card to pay for their service. It us writers who should be joining the ACLU in their fight to protect those who create.